Falling and failing…

At what point should you resign yourself to the fact that perhaps you will always be destined to fail at some things in your life? That’s not a question to indulge some sense of self-pity on my part but rather a realistic perspective that perhaps you can’t be good at everything – for me that ‘thing’ just happens to be love.

Let me try to back this up with some practical examples. If you were applying for a particular job, how many times would you accept knock backs until you just stopped applying and decided you aren’t the right candidate for the role? Or, how many times might you face rejection at a trial for a sports team before you reluctantly walk away with an ounce of pride still intact? I think most of us have a ‘threshold’ at which point you just have to decide that your spirit has taken enough of a pounding. And hard though it may be, for your own sanity and emotional well-being you just have to walk away and find something else to focus on. Well I’m at my threshold now and I’ve definitely had enough.

I’ve mused a lot recently with brilliant and supportive friends (you know who you are lovely people!) about why finding the ‘right’ person seems to be so easy for some and so darn hard for others. And to be honest I’ve reached the oh-so insightful conclusion that there are no answers and therefore no quick fixes. It just happens to be the way of the world that some people will have to be more resilient and brave than others…working through the masses of heartbreak and disappointments as they come and still trying to stay optimistic through it all. But where should the breaking point be? After disappointment number xx, where do you draw the line and say enough is enough and you can count me out of the running? Surely only a fool or an eternal optimist would keep going back for the hits – and a fool I most certainly ain’t (anymore)!

I can hear all the various voices now – looking at this situation and making their own assumptions as to what has caused this gal to become so unhopeful in love.

– Perhaps she’s too desperate? Love only happens when you’re least looking for it…  

– Perhaps she’s unapproachable or scary?

– You’re picking the wrong guys – you need to lower your expectations, they’re too high!  

– You have to kiss lots of frogs to find a real prince…  

– You’re still young – plenty of time to meet someone…  

– Just find somebody nice and settle down…you can’t have it all!  

Well maybe some of them are true…but let’s face it there are far more desperate, scary, young, wrong-picking, frog kissers in the world and yet apparently many of them seem able to find a half decent person to share the fun times with. And good for them!

But do you know what, I can genuinely no longer bring myself to care as I once did… I’m laying down my sword and admitting defeat – I fought a damn good battle and it turns out that love just ain’t my thang! It’s my nemisis, my allergen, my sausage (those of you who know me will know what that means!!) 🙂 But d’ya know what, perhaps it’s now about time to find out what my ‘thang’ is…Zorbing? Spelunking? Unicorn hunting? Mud wrestling? The world is my loveless oyster 🙂

But amidst all of this and in the end despite what is a slightly disappointing result for a die-hard romantic like me, I know I can learn some important lessons to share with all the lucky ones out there yet to find love:

1.    Kissing frogs ain’t all it cracked up to be – I’ve kissed my fair share and some of them have driven me hopping mad. Save your kisses for the princes who don’t disguise themselves and will sweep you off your feet from the get-go

2.    Don’t compromise yourself too much, don’t try to be someone you’re not and most of all do NOT settle for second best! Yes some will look at my situation and think that perhaps if I’d done more of that, I’d have found someone by now….but trust me that’s utter crap! It’ll catch up with you in the end and we only get one life – live it with the person who deserves to share in it!

3.    Just because I have lost the hope for myself, doesn’t mean I can’t keep the faith for my friends yet to find someone. The possibility of someone being destined never to find someone is 1 in a billion-squillion…and I’ve taken up that unlucky spot so worry not my fabulous singleton buddies, you’ll get your prince (I’ll make darned sure of that!)

But before I sign off, I do just want to say one last thing. To some, this post may come across a little defeatist, self-indulgent or bitter but I promise you it 100% is anything but. I’m still a romantic and I still believe in love. I shall be the first to blog should my fortunes all of a sudden change – I remain open to ‘times a changin’ but I won’t keep putting my heart out there to be broken again. Enough is enough and it’s time for some self-preservation.

For a long time (more than anyone will know) I’ve struggled with a feeling that perhaps I could change the outcomes of my past failures by changing me – that it was down to me to be more proactive and seek out someone. But by writing this blog I’m glad to say I’ve reached a feeling of realisation, freedom and yes a wee bit of resignation. But lest things have gotten confused among all my rantings and ravings, let my message be clear… My love seeking dues have now been paid, so guys if you’re out there and you truly want me, how about you come and get me…for ruddy once 😉


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